My winter exercise plan

No, this is not an exercise blog. Me exercise regularly?! Ha! My idea of regular exercise is taking the stairs down the two flights at work instead of taking the elevator. No, this is a forced exercise regime, one that hasn't been quite so regular the past couple of years. Still, it works quite well in getting the heart pumping, so I thought I'd share it in case the opportunity every presented itself to you!

OK, so the best way to start out (well, the only way for it to start out) is for it to snow. You probably need at least 3 - 4 inches for it to start to be in any way effective (thus the fact that it hasn't been quite a regular regime lately...). Aaaanyway, after you get the snow, you need a narrow driveway and the lack of a snowblower. Are you ready? OK then. First, shovel the long and narrow driveway. It really helps if the snow is really wet. Anyway, that's the first step. Once you're done shovelling you just have to sit back and wait for the next snow. Repeat. Eventually the shovelled part of your driveway will be so narrow that if you don't back out just so you will inevitably back into a snow bank. This is when the exercise plan starts to get intense.

So then the day comes when you were tired when you backed out of the garage and inevitably found yourself in the huge snowbank at the end of the driveway. You know what I'm talking about: the pile about as tall as you are due to snow plows and your own pitiful attempts at clearing the driveway. After spending a good 10 minutes in denial while you try to rock your car out, you finally realize that you at least have to get out of the car and apply a little manual labor to the problem. So you grab your winter hat, pull on your gloves, tighten your scarf and start your warm-up by walking back up to the garage to grab the towel you left there from the last time you found yourself in the exact same bank. You glance over and are reminded that a shovel would be a good idea to dig a path from the driveway around to the drivers-side door, which you were barely able to open since it was somewhat buried in the snowbank itself. In continuing your warm-up, you place the towel under the unburied front tire, dig a path to the driver's door, and get back into your car. Of course, the pitiful little towel does not give any traction to the tire, but you're still in denial so you've got to at least try. So you get back out of the car, grab the shovel, and start digging around the buried front tire. Once you've opened a path from the tire up the driveway, you place the towel under the newly dug-out tire, dust yourself off, get back in the car, and try again. After spinning the tires a little, you get back out, go back to the garage, grab something else that looks like it may fit under the other front tire, dig out a little around one of the back tires, and try again. When that doesn't work, you once again open the door, grab the dumb shovel, and start attacking the snow behind your car. At this point, your first neighbor drives by in his SUV and cheerfully waves at you. You smile and wave back, then decide you've shovelled enough and your car is sure to come out this time. Of course this isn't so, so after a little grumbling, you snatch up that blasted shovel and fling snow out from under the buried back tire. At this point you take off your hat and unzip your jacket, because you've started to work up a good sweat. Then you throw down the shovel, stomp back to the car, slam the door shut and once again spin the stupid, good-for-nothing tires. What good is front wheel drive, anyway? Isn't it suppose to have better traction, for pete's sake?! So you slam back out of the car, take off your jacket, sneer at the next neighbor who waves as he drives by in a pick-up, snatch up the shovel, practically crawl under the car you're going to sell as soon as you dig it out, and hack at the stupid snow that for some dumb reason you had though was pretty just 20 minutes ago. Obviously you weren't quite awake yet when you were thinking about how much you liked snow. But now you know better. God really had a sense of humor when he made snow. Can't figure out what the heck He was thinking. What's the point of the stupid powdery stuff, anyway?! When is summer supposed to get here, again? As these thoughts are crossing your mind, you barely contain yourself from flipping off the next neighbor who cheerfully honks as he drives by.

This time, when you plop into your front seat, you just bring all the snow with you. What's the point of dusting it off when you're just going to be back in it again in 10 seconds anyway? You put the car in 1st gear, and while you'd love to just floor the gas pedal, you remember at the last minute to ease your foot on the accelerator, and, miracle of miracles, your car moves!! So you pull the car forward, then carfully back to the end of the driveway. Of course, at this point you have to stop there, turn off the car and dig out your buried jacket. Then you go back inside. After all, you don't want to go to work after such a good work-out without showering first, do you?